Regulators And Regulatees

Gadfly
by Mort Malkin

Regulators and Regulatees

The scene was the Pennsylvania boat access at the Narrowsburg Eddy on the High Delaware River. The last day of summer before Labor Day was glorious with a display of sun and 75 degrees on the thermometer.

My companion, CPGSJ (her initials, exclusive of higher degrees), and I came to greet the paddlers in the Flotilla to Protect the Delaware. We parked in the access area to visit with the kayakers at the finish of the event. Afterward we went over to a rock at the shore to sit down and dangle our toes in the water. OK, so we immersed our feet up to the ankles. Not five minutes into our triple enjoyment of the season, the weather, and the River, an official van pulled into the access area and stopped right in the middle near the entrance. Out stepped two uniformed officers of the Fish and Boat Commission. One of them came over to inform us that we were in violation of the regulation that reserves the access area for boaters and fishermen. I noted that: there was only one fisherman, there were several empty parking spaces, and we were not creating a disturbance by splashing the water with our feet. He explained that if we were allowed to engage in such unauthorized activity, others would come and have picnics, play frisbee, and Heaven knows what else.

I thought for a few seconds about staying, receiving a citation, and challenging the officer in court. With luck, I might serve a prison sentence. A second option was to drive home, strap my kayak to the car, and return to the access area. With a kayak on the car, we could legally sit on a rock at the shore and discuss whether to paddle north or south … or we could just hold hands.

The history of such rules and regulations reminds us that the Delaware River is a special exemption to Pennsylvania’s requirement for canoes and kayaks to be registered … at $28 per. Nevermind that New York, Maine, and many other states welcome the tourism that comes with canoeing and kayaking free of nuisance registration. Pennsylvania’s registration regulation for canoes and kayaks, after many years, was amended to allow unregistered paddling on the PA half of the Delaware River. Too late, all the boat rentals, camping, and economic activity remain on the NY side of the River.

Rules and regulations seem to pervade every aspect of life, common sense included. At another PA time and circumstance, parking restrictions during winter months are enforced to clear the streets of snow, whether or not it has snowed.

Rules and regulations are not exclusive to Pennsylvania, nor are the officials who enforce them. In Boston, the home of Paul Revere, a peace rally was restricted to a “free speech zone” during the Democratic Convention of 2004. The First Amendment didn’t apply anywhere else in the city.

Everyone can surely cite a rule or two devoid of common sense.

A saving grace is the lack of a sense of humor among the officials who have the power to enforce the rules. They consider themselves as the keystone of the Establishment, the System. Recently, a parody-wielding group of street performers has freely challenged the tea baggers in many cities. They are the Billionaires For Wealthcare. They wear top hats and tuxedos and smoke cigars — all to satirize the super rich executives of the Insurance industry and Big Pharma. They carry signs that read “Delay, Deduct, and Deny.” The ultimate satire is that many of the enforcement officials take the “Billionaires” seriously as representatives of capitalism and cheer them on.

The tea baggers, too, have lauded the “Billionaires.” It is all a lesson to bring satire in all its forms to bear in the political discourse. There are many venues: Town Hall meetings, the halls of Congress, the streets of cities and towns, and the pages of newspapers. Many are the ways to make fun of all public officials and reactionaries who deserve it.

Dear Mr. Obama,

Gadfly
By Mort Malkin

Dear Mr. Obama,

Last week Gadfly wrote to Mr. Ahmedinejad suggesting that Iran give up its nuclear program, both the early-stage civilian works at Natanz, Lashkar Ab’ad, and a half dozen other sites, as well as any dreams of someday possessing nuclear weapons. The reason for Iran to have nuclear weapons was already half removed -- Dick Cheney is no longer in the White House. As present President, you can disappear the second half of the reason by offering a non-aggression treaty to guarantee Iran’s security. That would take military action off thetable, and Hillary would have to give up any ambition of becoming a Great Satan in the Near East.

In exchange for such a pact, Iran would erect a grand stele dedicated to the Grand Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini, the founder of the Islamic Republic of Iran. On it, his words would be carved in stone, “Nuclear weapons are the work of the Devil.”  The US would send engineers and construction crews to the Zagros Mountains in wester Iran to put up wind turbines and ski resorts. In appreciation Iran would send handmade Persian rugs to US embassies around the world to soften the rhetoric. The two countries could start a poetry exchange program -- Emily Dickinson, Walt Whitman, Robert Frost, and the Hip Hop poets in trade for Jalal ud-din Rumi and the classical Persian poets.

Peace is possible between the two countries. Mr. Ahmedinejad is no pariah among neighboring nations. He has visited Afghanistan and Iraq in mutual amity. Iranians by the million make pilgrimages to Iraq’s Shia holy sites each year. Besides, the Iranians don’t much like Osama bin Laden our Public Enemy Number One. If any of the opposition party object to talks with the Persians, just remind them that Ronald Reagan was not above making deals with the Iranian clerics in Iran-Contra times.

Now is a good time to start the peace process. Iran’s recently announced nuclear enrichment site doesn’t yet have centrifuges
installed. Mohamed ElBaredei, the head of the IAEA (International Atomic Energy Agency), says that Iran has had trouble with the complex process of concentrating uranium even to 3% because of the impurities in the native ore. He also stated that all Iranian “nuclear material has been accounted for and not diverted to prohibited activity.” Iran has gotten nowhere near the 85% concentration necessary for making a bomb. In 2007, the official US National Intelligence Estimate concluded that Iran stopped all nuclear weapons activity years ago and that it would take five years to develop nuclear weapons from their rudimentary skills at the time. Israel, of course, says Iran could have a bomb in 45 minutes.

Now, also, the US neo-cons are out of power and can only snipe from the microphones at Fox News of the editorial page of the Wall Street Journal.  In the B-C administration they had suggested that a sustained bombing campaign would surely make the Iranian people discontent enough to rise up and overthrow the theocracy. A sober Pentagon official questioned their theory, “What were they smoking at the White House?”

Mr Obama, your administration of change can bring both common sense and pragmatism to the White House. We can replace any Iranian wishes for nuclear weapons with solid assurances of peace. Further, Iran is a
country of unstable geology and a history of earthquakes, a country of few places to bury radioactive waste. They must know that The US has plenty of radioactive waste sitting around at Savannah GA, Hanford WA, and Rocky Flats CO, and that we don’t know what to do with it. Iran might even give up its infant civilian nuclear program if electricity could be generated from the country’s plentiful wind and sun. What could convince the Iranians is a US example. Let us show them that we are sincere about denuclearization by immediately destroying half of our nuclear-tipped ICBMs. At whom are we aiming them, anyway? Denuclearization could become the next world-wide fad with Russia destroying half of their stockpile.

With the examples of  the US and Russia in hand, we could pressure Pakistan and India to sign the NPT (Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty) and open their N-works to inspection by the IAEA. As Pakistan and India bowed to world opinion, North Korea would be next. Kim Jong Il, an aristocrat by taste if not by hairstyle, would be offered French Brandy, Russian Caviar, and parties with Hollywood starlets, evocatively half clad. All that and free gasoline for a couple of BMW SUVs would be a good trade for his half dozen N-bombs. We need not worry about China who already own half the world anyway and would get their way with yuan rather than missiles.

Then, we must address Israel. The fist thing is for the US to offer asylum to Mordechai Vanunu. Then a weekly shipment of New York bagels, Philadelphia cream cheese and smoked salmon (lox), sent air express to Tel Aviv. Then …

Dear Mr. Ahmedinejad,

Gadfly
by Mort Malkin

Dear Mr. Ahmedinejad,

For years 2002 through 2008 Iran was rightly worried that the US would attack and re-establish a puppet Shah in that nation. Of course, Iran was rich with oil. Since the US — the Great Satan — attacked and occupied Iraq over oil, they surely could attempt the same in Iran. During the B-C administration (Bush-Cheney) it was easy to portray Dick Cheney as Satan. He was easily identified by the perpetual scowl on his face, and sulfurous fumes seemed to emanate from his nostrils. Now in 2009, Cheney wields power only on Fox News. He complains that he could never convince George Bush to bomb Iran.

Hillary Clinton, the present Secretary of State, did vote as a US Senator to designate the Revolutionary Guard as a terrorist organization; she repeats the mantra that a military attack on Iran remains on the table; and she frequently wears red pants suits — but she still is not a convincing Satan.

Yes, you have the example of North Korea developing a few crude nuclear bombs and the US refraining from attacking their country. But, it was less the few nukes than resistance from the South Koreans that blocked any military action. Iran has been fostering friendly relations with its neighbors Iraq and Afghanistan as a bulwark against the hawks in Israel and the US. You, yourself, have met with Presidents Maliki and Karzai a few times, with smiles all around. It is a better strategy.

The father of the Islamic Republic, Grand Ayatollah Khomeini eschewed the development of nuclear weapons as “the work of the Devil.” He didn’t like monkeying around with Allah’s work. He would have no part of converting mass into energy a la e = mc2.

You say Iran is only enriching uranium to 3% for civilian nuclear power plants — nowhere near the 85% necessary for nuclear bombs. But, nuclear power plants will invite disasters, too. Chernobyl and Three Mile Island were just the worst of a few thousand nuclear accidents and close calls that have occurred wherever “developed” nations have split the atom to boil water to drive the turbines to make electricity. Operating nuclear reactors to boil water? Crazy! Then, they’re stuck with the radioactive waste. In the US, no state wants the stuff within its borders. Conservative Nevadans became liberals when Yucca Mountain was tagged to be the burial site of the nuclear waste of all the other states. Iran, which is subject to frequent earthquakes, would be challenged to find a stable geologic site (or an acquiescent community) where leftovers of the nation’s nuclear power plants could be stored for the next few thousand years.

A better solution to any shortage of energy is to look west to the Zagros Mountains whose many peaks are over 10,000 feet. There, there must be enough wind to produce electricity for the entire Near East.

Gadfly will next send a Dear Mr. Obama letter to the White House with a Grand Plan for peace between the US and Iran. The US would offer a guarantee of Iran's security with a non-aggression pact in exchange for Iran carving Ayatollah Khomeini’s words in stone, “Nuclear power is the work of the Devil,” the stele to be installed in the central square in Teheran. Iran would then bury the bit of uranium it has already enriched to 3% — no nuclear reactors for electricity and no dreams of becoming the ninth nation to have the bomb. The US would then build a few refining plants so Iran could make gasoline from its own oil instead of sending Iranian crude to China for refining.

Then, all we’d have to address is the secret facilities in Tabriz, Kashan, and Shiraz where, it is rumored, Iran is developing flying carpet technology.